2004-06-11 - 8:14 p.m.

I keep trying to add entries, but they end up being too personal to put on the web (like one from a few weeks back where I blasted on The Spawn, but worse), so I end up cutting and pasting them to Word, to save, read, and then delete at my leisure.

Bleah.

Anyway, last night I got no sleep. As in none.

My younger offspring (v 2.0) has been engaging in a nightwaking routine for about the past six weeks. At first I figured it was teething. I mean, he had a canine about to break through. Makes sense, right?

Well, the damned tooth broke through a week ago, and has he stopped waking up? Nope! I mean, some nights he gives me a pass, but other nights it's Katy Bar the Door... or Amanda Bar the Door.

Whatever.

Anyway, last night I thought we might finally be getting past this since I'd had two nights of uninterrupted sleep. That's what I get for thinking with children in the house. Around 11:00 I started trying to go to sleep, and I kept fading in and out until around 12:15, when v 2.0 decided to make his presence known.

Somehow my body knew.

Anyway, he went back down about 12:30, but me? HA! I was wide awake, once again. I came out here (to the computer room) to smoke and try to relax again. I finally tried going back to sleep at about 1:00, and that's when it started.

You know what I mean. It. That moment of the night where you're just about off to sleep and then your brain kicks into gear cataloguing all the things that are wrong with you. Like, for instance, last night for me was Why Can't I Get a Job night.

I'm applying for jobs in the secretarial/ human resources/ office manager fields, and have I yet been hired? Nope. Now for HR I'm not surprised. My experience there, outside of my own experience in the workforce, is minimal. And for office manager? Again, experience minimal, although I have both office and managerial experience. But secretarial?

Give me a break!

As of last "official" (i.e. at a staffing company) timing, I type 86 WPM at 100% accuracy. I am beyond proficient in both Word and WordPerfect, I'm proficient in Excel, both spreadsheets and graphing, and I have basic proficiency in PowerPoint. I can learn any other programming necessary quickly. I have a pleasant phone voice, and years of experience in an office setting in various capacities.

Okay, one of those capacities included janatorial duties, but still...

Over the course of more than fifteen years, I rose from scrubbing toilets to the glory of full secretary/receptionist, with office manager duties while the real office manager was away. I have excellent recommendations. So WHY don't I have a job already?

The problem is likely that many people are in similar situations, and are seeking the same jobs as I am. But at 1:00 in the morning, does that thought manage to penetrate the fog of my mind? Nope. Instead I dwell upon all my shortcomings, every single imprudent thing I've done, thinking that some nasty little closeted thing from my far distant past is thwarting my attempts at employment.

Anyway, at around 2:00 a.m. I gave up trying to sleep and got up to read. And smoke. And suck down massive amounts of Diet Coke.

By the time 4:00 a.m. arrived, I went to my bedroom to check on Himself and his alarm. It wasn't due to go off for a bit longer, so I got the coffee going and got all his work clothes laid out for him. After the alarm went off, I went in and assisted Himself in getting up, then proceeded to suck down massive amounts of coffee, as well as some more Diet Coke.

Due to my unfortunate choices of chemicals, I didn't fall asleep until a bit after 6:30 this morning. Of course, both kids were awake by 8:00.

So here I sit. Awake, still. It's 8:40 at night, and I'm still awake.

Why? Because Offspring v 1.0 is still awake, and I'm too tired to sleep.

1.0 will go down at 9:00. I'm enjoying some nice chardonnay, and will likely be down about 9:01.

Here's hoping.

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